There are two expectations going into Oktoberfest no matter who you are. 1) Get drunk 2) Get next level drunk. Besides these two expectations I possessed little inkling of what would actually happen to me there. I hoped strongly I would not a) projectile vomit b)be projectile vomited on. As long as I could miraculously avoid these two things I could figuratively “survive” Oktoberfest. However, what I can without a doubt say after living through Oktoberfest is this: Oktoberfest changes you. Something about drinking to the point of absolute carelessness (next level carelessness) combined with being surrounded by 500,000 like minded equally intoxicated individuals changes you forever. My day at Oktoberfest is best summarized by saying it was the BEST WORST day ever. The story is epic. I wish Homer was alive to pen it for me frankly because it belongs alongside both Achilles and Odysseus adventures.
For another fun/brilliant portrayal of my adventure at Oktoberfest read my friend Megan’s summation here: http://meanwhileinsalzburg.blogspot.co.at/
We awoke at the ungodly time of 5 am to more or less crawl to the train station in order to catch our 545 am direct train to Munchen (Munich). We arrived at 8ish followed the people wearing liederhosens and discovered the mini city that is Oktoberfest. As we strolled through the streets (the last time this would happen sober) we tried to make a decision regarding a beer tent. This is not a decision to take lightly. It’s nearly impossible to get a seat in a beer tent if you don’t get there before 11am so once you get in line to get into one you have committed to it. We chose one that had a line that possessed an already excellent male to female ratio (strongly in our favor) and proceeded to stand in line here we are:
Take notice of this picture because it is the last time that any of us will look this relatively normal? (if you can consider this “normal”) regardless the picture progression of our drunken facade is quite amusing. prepare thyself. Once we got into the beer tent it was incredible anticipation for our beers to arrive. (Side note: that table was disgustingly sticky. Luckily Megan wore her heinous gray sweatshirt so she was fine with putting her arms all over it.)
we finally got beer and proceeded to fall into a quick stupor. Oktoberfest beer comes in liters and is 19%. (Hardcore.) Mixed with the constant pressure to chug and the reckless environment we were in for one crazy ride.
Picture Progression of my Oktoberfest Beer Tent experience: (Note, all of this occurred between the times of 945 am to 12.)
The result of 3 liters of beer ended with me as shown above ^
Needless to say I was intoxicated. We all were intoxicated. We were dancing (to no music) we were drinking more (bad) we were making friends (weirdos) Laura was buying stupid hats (modeled by me) Once I finished my third beer I knew that I was done for. I had this sudden revelation that if I did not leave the beer tent right at that moment I was going to vomit all over the table, our new friends, my old friends, that old weird guy, and the beer. Disaster. This moment (1pm) was probably one of the most intoxicated points of my life. I made eye contact with an equally intoxicated Megan and we stumbled/crawled/armycarried each other out of the beer tent to find fresh air more drunk people and we were about to start what would be the most epic adventure of Oktoberfest.
Megan declared she needed water, french fries, a bathroom, and a nap. I am a drunk superstar and got her all these things. AMAZING. We stumbled literally the greatest stumble of my life. People were openly pointing at us. (Equally drunk people pointing at us stumbling around. You know it was bad if that’s happening) begging to find our friend Hanna to take care of us and praying for somewhere anywhere to recover. This moment which I compare to finding the holy land was when we stumbled upon drunk utopia.
All of these beautiful people are passed out. THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. After shrieking in excitement stumbling as far as I could make it at this point (5 steps) Megan and I found a beautiful utopian society to take a nap in. We had an AWFUL encounter with these Emory douches who were disrupting the tranquility that was drunk utopia. We just want to sleep, nap, chill. Why you screaming?! Why you wrestling?! Needless to say they got theirs. (I tied their shoelaces together once they passed out. Fuckers) Also the only thing terrifying about Drunk utopia was in the hour and a half we layed there the emt’s took away at least 12 people on stretchers begging the question. How many people die here each year?! fackkkk.
It was amazing. We awoke rejuvenated. Less drunk more aware and ready to take on Oktoberfest again! We stumbled into Drunk utopia as mere paupers. Peasants. Drunk fools. Low Lifes. Rif Raf. However, we left Drunk Utopia as queens. We OWNED drunk utopia.
We at this point were desperate to find Hanna. Whom we had been searching for in our blind drunkness to save us. Instead we found. BRENNAN.
in a group of 500,000 + people it is a godsend we even ran into Brennan. What are the chances?! I mean REALLY. But wait. We found Hanna. We ran into the one the only Hanna Bauer. Completing what was the most epic adventure ever. Megan collapsed onto the disgusting barf covered pavement at her feet. I clutched her neck in a choke hold. It was beautiful. It was necessary. It was Hanna. At long long last.
Oktoberfest was amazing. Awful. But amazing. It’s something every person should experience. Being absolutely sloshed at 1030 am with 20,000 other people screaming around you is overwhelming and incredible. and I never even threw up. I declare Oktoberfest a success.
Watch out for my Budapest post. It’ll blow your mind.